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#1 briannafifield

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Posted 14 May 2010 - 08:39 PM

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Although I haven't been officially diagnosed, but I strongly believe I have Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS). It was more prevalent when I was a child, but I have grown out of most of it. PDD-NOS is basically a very mild form of autism, which some people can overcome most of the struggles that come along with it. Some things that people with PDD-NOS have are little or no eye contact, extreme sensitivity to loud noises or other stimuli, repetitive behaviors, difficulty socializing, may appear unemotional, or have speech problems. I have overcome many things, such as the eye contact issue, socializing, sensitivity to loud noises, although I still have issues with all of those and have to still struggle to keep it under control. (If you want to learn a little more about PDD-NOS, here is a Wikipedia link to it: PDD-NOS )

The reason I give you the background is, all through my life I never knew that I had this, and now that I do, it's such a relief to know what is wrong. But, it is putting a huge strain on my marriage and other relationships and aspects of my life, and I feel like it's my fault. I don't like to be touched much, such as hugging, and I appear unemotional when I don't realize it which causes fights at times. I was wondering if it's my fault? I'm trying very hard to overcome it, and it's not just him, it's with everyone. I was also wondering if anyone else out there has this same or similar problem, with or without PDD-NOS? And if you have any advice for me either way? It would be greatly appreciated.

Edited by briannarushing, 14 May 2010 - 08:50 PM.


#2 walkthroughme

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Posted 18 May 2010 - 06:05 AM

I have a lot of similar symptoms to you due to Social Anxiety Disorder and a behavioural disorder that makes me very detached. It does put a huge strain on relationships. People get frustrated because they don't really understand why you seem so disinterested/unemotional and think that you're angry or you don't care. In the case of your husband, I think it's best to just talk to him about it. I know it's difficult to open up and find the words to really explain what you're going through but, trying to find an understanding is better than arguing or fighting.

It is not your fault that you have this disorder or that you have these difficulties. You should never feel guilty about having a mental disorder. The only thing that you can do is try your best to communicate and co-operate with others. You can't expect them to do all of the work but, you have to understand that it isn't your fault if you have trouble. I think that beating yourself up about it or placing blame is only going to make the problem worse.

I am the type of person who says to myself, "it will never get better and I'll always be this way." This type of thinking is self-destructive. It's hypocritical for me to say this but, try to remain positive. It's okay to ask for help. Go to see your doctor and talk to them about all of the symptoms and what you think the problem may be and see if they have any resources or ways to cope with your illness.

#3 briannafifield

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Posted 18 May 2010 - 09:17 AM

Thank you very much for your reply and words of wisdom. I totally agree with 100% of what you said. I do talk to my husband all the time, and he has something wrong with him too, but we're not quite sure what it is, though we think it is Avoidant Personality Disorder, which is like mine, being very detached. And my other big problem is finding the right words to say. I always get emotional and cry even when I don't want to, and I can't find the right words to say and I always seem to make the situation worse with my choice of words.

And I know it's not my fault, but I guess it just adds to the stresses I have in my life and it seems to overwhlem me because it causes so many problems in my life, and I feel like I could have avoided it somehow. I'm really glad I'm not alone, but I'm very sorry that you suffer from it too. I will go see my doctor for it, and the multiple other medical issues I have. I just have so many appts for myself and my baby I can't seem to find the time. But thank you so much for your advice <3

#4 hinachan

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Posted 19 May 2010 - 08:25 PM

First off: DON'T BLAME YOURSELF. You have a condition, just like diabetes is a condition, except that there is no shot or medication that can restore your balance. It's something that will always be a challenge for you.

Second: Anyone who doesn't understand that does NOT belong in your life. They will only make you feel bad about yourself, and that's not what you need.

Third: If you're not doing so already, you should probably be getting psychotherapy on a regular basis, to help you and your loved ones cope.

Good luck! :lol:

#5 Kung Fu Hung-Su

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Posted 20 May 2010 - 12:11 AM

What are you blaming yourself for? You can blame yourself for things you chose to do, it's silly to blame for things that weren't your choice. Like choosing to eat gross food and getting zits after, you can blame your choice of food. But, you certainly didn't say at the time you were being conceived "Oh, I want to be born with this condition. Just because."

Silly :]

As for dealing with people, just make sure they feel they still get to have you as a friend/wife/etc. It's a little saddening to think that if we like you, we don't get to hug you - so we would need some reassurance that you aren't rejecting us, you aren't leaving us behind/abandoning us or whatever. If we know that, and why, we'll be happy chappies even without the hugs.

#6 briannafifield

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Posted 20 May 2010 - 01:00 PM

I know it's silly to blame myself... it just comes naturally. I also have a very bad habit of always apologizing for things that aren't even my fault. I always say "I'm sorry" to everything, and even past boyfriends have told me to stop it lol. I can't help it, and now that I'm aware of it, I'm trying to catch myself before I do it, along with a lot of other little quirks I have.

And I do like physical contact, but to a certain extent. If I'm really feeling weird around people, I kinda stiffen up while they are hugging me, even if it's my mom or husband. And sometimes I even pull away from it without even thinking about it, even when I think I want it or am enjoying it.

I will try to get to a therapist, but with all of my other health problems, which is probably not helping at all, it is hard to make another appt, expecially with the baby. I have physical therapy twice a week, and hardly see my hubby or have time for myself. I don't even remember the last time I washed my hair... lol xD

I have noticed that in social situations, I am not good with talking to people. But over the Internet like this, or just writing in general, I feel like I can express myself better than I can when I am talking to someone on the spot. I'm not sure why, and that if I'm the only one like that. Like, when I talk to people, I feel really embarrassed and self-conscious, even when I have no reason to feel that way. Which really frustrates me more.

I have tried taking meds, but they really don't seem to help. They make me feel emotionless and suck the life out of me. All of my friends, family, and my hubby understand that I have it, and I really am not that bad, but to me I feel really awkward and different. It just feels like I am hurting everyone, and I don't want my baby growing up feeling the same way about me, you know?

#7 walkthroughme

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Posted 20 May 2010 - 07:55 PM

Thank you very much for your reply and words of wisdom. I totally agree with 100% of what you said. I do talk to my husband all the time, and he has something wrong with him too, but we're not quite sure what it is, though we think it is Avoidant Personality Disorder, which is like mine, being very detached. And my other big problem is finding the right words to say. I always get emotional and cry even when I don't want to, and I can't find the right words to say and I always seem to make the situation worse with my choice of words.

And I know it's not my fault, but I guess it just adds to the stresses I have in my life and it seems to overwhlem me because it causes so many problems in my life, and I feel like I could have avoided it somehow. I'm really glad I'm not alone, but I'm very sorry that you suffer from it too. I will go see my doctor for it, and the multiple other medical issues I have. I just have so many appts for myself and my baby I can't seem to find the time. But thank you so much for your advice <3


Oh, well it's great that you guys at least talk it out. I know it's impossible to explain mental or physical health to someone who doesn't experience it the way that you do. The point is that you both make an effort to try to talk about it rather than ignore or avoid it.

I totally understand what you mean. However, there is absolutely nothing you could have done to avoid it. It wasn't your choice. Nothing you could have done could have prevented it. Especially if it started so early. I also understand not having much time for appointments. Still, I think the best option is to get a diagnosis and go from there. It doesn't always have to be this way.


The post that you wrote about social situations and physical contact sounded exactly like me. Do you ever get panic attacks or something similar? Those feelings of embarrassment and self-consciousness pretty much run my entire life. Perhaps this is a type of Anxiety Disorder? I don't know but, I hope it all works out for the best.

#8 briannafifield

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Posted 21 May 2010 - 07:41 AM

OMG yes, I always get panic attacks and feelings of anxiety. I have to go to the doctor soon about something else so I will bring it up then. I just feel embarrassed because I have so many physical issues, as well as this mental one. And yeah, I do talk about it, but it is so hard to find the words to describe it.

I will come back and write more later. I have my baby on my lap and she is hitting me with a spoon (not purposely, but still... lol).

#9 walkthroughme

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Posted 21 May 2010 - 09:10 AM

OMG yes, I always get panic attacks and feelings of anxiety. I have to go to the doctor soon about something else so I will bring it up then. I just feel embarrassed because I have so many physical issues, as well as this mental one. And yeah, I do talk about it, but it is so hard to find the words to describe it.

I will come back and write more later. I have my baby on my lap and she is hitting me with a spoon (not purposely, but still... lol).


I know exactly how you feel about having so many overlapping illnesses. I'm always reluctant to talk to my doctor because I get the idea that it just seems too much.

Maybe you should take a look at this wikipedia article to see if it sounds similar to your situation or not. I don't know whether this would be the problem or if it is what you were thinking but, based on what I've read our situations seem very similar.

#10 briannafifield

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Posted 24 May 2010 - 08:20 AM

Yeah, that's exactly how I feel when I go to the doctor. It's like I have SO many things wrong with me, it feels like she doesn't believe me and it's super embarrassing. But, I guess that's not the case because the last time I saw her, I thought she didn't believe me, but then she approved 50 visits for physical therapy, so I think she thought I was quite a mess... xD But I definitely need to go back to the doctor to discuss some new issues... :thumbsup:

I did look at the article, but I don't think that is quite me. I don't get that nervous around people, I just feel kinda awkward. And yesterday was so horrible. I had the worst anxiety attack from separation anxiety from my baby. And I felt bad because I was with my hubby when it happened, and we hardly spend time together anymore. And I really did not want any affection whatsoever, I would pull away, so I think it is worse. Yesterday was about the worst anxiety attack I've had in a while, so I really need to get to a doctor soon.

The problem is, I feel like I can't make everyone happy, like no matter what I do, it seems to make someone unhappy, which I think contributes to my anxiety (if that makes any sense whatsoever...). And there are some other problems that are arising from the anxiety, but it's tmi to share on here...

Bottom line, this anxiety, depression and insomnia are making me absolutely miserable...




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