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Rejected but can't stop thinking about him.

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#1 Mashimaro-san



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Posted 03 June 2010 - 09:26 PM


Okay first of all, I am gay.

I liked this friend of mine for 3 years.

Within those 3 years, I well flirted with him. He didnt'seem to mind. In fact sometimes he would actually talk with me instead of his other friends. During lunch we talked a lot. He often showed me card tricks too, he is really funny, smart, etc. He is tall, much taller than me. He was totally my type.

We also had "awkward" moments, like this one time when we were walking outside in the rain, no one was around except us and I had an umbrella but he preferred to get soaked in the rain...and we would just sometimes stare at each other.

Whenever he was with me he would just stare, it made me feel all tingly inside xD!

One year I came across my friend's older brother. We actually ended up walking together for about an hour. He is so tall, just like his younger brother. We got a long pretty well.

I confessed to my friend's older brother that I liked his younger brother. I told him that he was the first person I ever really "liked" (you know, your hearts starts beating when they're around, etc.).

I asked permission from his older brother if it's okay to like him that way, and eh said yes. He also gave me permission to just go wherever my friend went xD.

On that same day, I decided that I wanted to confess my feelings. I have been hiding it far too long (3 years).

It was on a sunny day, the wind was soft and cool, and my friend and I decided to get Bubble Tea. I made him order the same flavour as me (>_<)! Then we walked home together.

The street was bright, the sun was shining, and we were wlaking under the shade. I said to him:
Me: "I like you a lot..."
Him: "I know you do.."
Me: "No, like...I really really like you..."
Him: "I know, it's because I'm cool right?"
Me: "No, like...I like you more than just a friend..."

Then we came along an intersection and I said, "Bye..?" And all he did was give me a high five, and jsut walked home silently.

I felt that he didn't even care. I asked him later what he thought, and he said that his just not into guys.

So there you go, I lost a friendship because now it's very awkward to face each other.

But I still want to be friends with him...but we avoid each other and pretend we don't exist.

I can't stop thinking about him..because, I feel like we never settled it.

He told me his thoughts in MSN, but I feel like I need to talk to him about it face to face so I can finally get over it.

It's difficult for us to meet.

But I sense that he acts more close to me when no one is around...but when there are people around he won't take notice of me. I sensed it because we actually say "hi" to each other when no one's around.

So I feel that I can settle this with him if we talked about it when no ones around. I just want to hear it from his own mouth.

But I feel taht he doesn't fully ignore me..because he actually asks about me occasionally to my best friend, like how I'm doing or what I'm going to do, etc.

What should I do?

Edited by Mashimaro-san, 03 June 2010 - 09:28 PM.

#2 Flowsion



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Posted 03 June 2010 - 09:57 PM

Joke about it. Get the tension out of the air and make sure that he can feel comfortable around you again without feeling as if he's obligated to continue flirting with you (in a non-romantic way) or to reciprocate your feelings. Just try to make light of the situation and not take it so seriously and hopefully it will go back to normal. :lol:

#3 Cori


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Posted 03 June 2010 - 10:08 PM

Well, its kind of shocking to find out a long term friend of the same sex likes you. A good friend of mine in high school told me that she thought I was hot one day (shes bi and I am straight). Although it is flattering, it is also awkward to know that this person likes you. Him being silent the time you told him you liked him was him going through everything and trying to figure it out. Should he feel flattered or upset?

You still liking him is simply due to you having a crush which is normal no doubt. But you will eventually fall out of it since he doesn't mirror the same feelings.
Thankfully, he is still talking to you, even if its just when you're alone. I don't know if your friends know you're gay, but perhaps the reason he doesn't talk with you when your other friends are around is because he doesn't want to seem like hes into you or gay. Hes not trying to be mean since he is talking to you when you're alone.
But you seem to be handling rejection well and not taking it personally. I say that you should simply tell him that you don't mind that he doesn't like you in that way however you would like to stay friends. If he wants to, he wants to. If he doesn't, he doesn't.
If he does, make it your mission not to make anymore advances on him. It might scare him away from your friendship.

You're lucky he still wants to stay friends. I started having a crush on someone I worked with, he found out and wouldn't talk to me...he wouldn't even make eye contact with me. I even send him an email telling him I know he doesn't like me back and that it shouldn't change our friendship because we're two grown adults.

...He never replied back and we haven't spoken since. Lets act like we're in 6th grade again YAY!

Good luck with your issue. I find that friendship is better then trying to get into a relationship...however, what do I know, I never have been in a relationship =X...

#4 Airforce


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Posted 03 June 2010 - 11:27 PM

well Mashimaro-San, u need to understand that he aint gay. As a matter of fact like Cori said... If there's 1 thing that a normal red blooded male hates more than anything else in the world, its a homosexual. So I think by being so upfront with him, you kinda put him in a state of shock. his probably shell shocked at the moment. My advice to you? leave him alone, cos he'll never like you no matter how much you like him, as much as it hurts for me to tell you this.... His not gay, he'll never like you the way you like him, just like you'll never like Boa in a sexual way. So maybe time will heal your wounds, maybe you'll see him again someday... I don't know. But what I do know is that its a real shame.

#5 mlyap7_boa


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Posted 04 June 2010 - 12:14 AM

I think you could like tell him straightforward on msn that you would like to make things straight & you still wanna be friends despite what has happened... Then ask him if he would like to just have a talk with you alone...

But my advice would be for you to really just let him go & accept him as a normal friend if you still want this friendship to go on... :lol:

#6 Mashimaro-san



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Posted 04 June 2010 - 12:15 AM

I already accepted the rejection, so no, I don't like him anymore.

I just can't stop thinking about him because it's like we never formally discussed it face to face.

It was more like, "I don't like you," but through MSN. Then the following days at school hardly having any contact with him.

Also this happened two years ago.

I feel like after a year of basically semi-ignoring each other should be enough.

I'm actually planning on slowly but surely start making eye contact with him in public and start saying "hello,"

My friends know that I'm gay. Actually the majority of my grade pretty much. I have lots of straight male friends and girl friends.

It's actually quite annoying sometimes, cuz alot of my straight male friends are the flirty types, they know I'm gay too so it can't be helped when I blush a little when they talk to me (==" ). Also they are the pretty Asians, which again, makes me go CRAZY.

My best friend, she says that I shouldn't be scared of talking to him in public.

Actually, my best friend had a crush on him years ago before I knew him but nothing happened so she settled for another dude. She feels that my "ex-crush" is a nice person and that there's no reason for us ignoring each other now. Also she felt that if he was really gay we look good together, LOL.

The funny thing is that my ex-crush literally has no sexual feelings for anyone that I know of. Lots of girls liked him before and lots of guys think his "pretty" but nothing ever happened cuz he doesn't seem interested in anyone.

Edited by Mashimaro-san, 04 June 2010 - 12:29 AM.

#7 mlyap7_boa


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Posted 04 June 2010 - 12:34 AM

Well I think you should just take the first step since you already made up your mind & you know you wanna get things straight with him...

Good luck though... :lol:

#8 a_chan


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Posted 04 June 2010 - 03:59 AM

I think the best thing is to move forward in your life, with or without him, it's probably best not to dwell on it too much. Everyone goes through life and wonders what went wrong with that friendship or whatever happened to someone they lost contact with. It's a part of human life but that doesn't exactly mean you should give up either.

Like, don't actively ignore him or anything but at the same time don't expect much I guess. He has to come around in his own time so he doesn't feel any pressure, though you can play a part in making him more comfortable about it. If he asks your friend about you then it seems like he regrets cutting ties with you, but he's anxious about how to approach you. So you definitely need to make the first move towards rebuilding your friendship. But I'd say talking about it in public right away isn't the best idea. Maybe if you have a boyfriend or you date/ask out someone he knows, then he'll know the sexual/romantic attraction is gone and he will probably feel more comfortable around you for it. Moreover, if you start out with small things like saying hi in the hallway at school then he'll likely open up, eventually. Maybe one day invite him over to sit with you and your friends at lunch? (Sorry idk how canadian schools work, I'm guessing you have cafeterias like in movies lol) Just remember to take it slow, even if it frustrates you to no end, it'll be better in the long run.

But if he doesn't want to talk about it at all to you, then maybe it'll just be best to let it go. Just shake it off because you deserve to be treated better than that. Relationships change and more often than not they don't, or can't, go back to how they used to be. It's sad to say but there's really no point in pursuing any kind of relationship if it's only one way.

#9 Airforce


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Posted 05 June 2010 - 05:42 AM

you've got a better chance with kd lang than this boyfriend of yours

#10 Mashimaro-san



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Posted 06 June 2010 - 11:20 AM

you've got a better chance with kd lang than this boyfriend of yours

I don't understand this comment (O_o)....

Well this week I'm going to try to approach him after school, like just to say hello.

The fact that he asks about me a few times to my best friend makes me think he does want to be just friends but it is hard for him to do it.

I think about it a lot but he is truly a nice friend by the fact that he didn't act immaturely with this situation.

#11 sanctuaryhikaru01


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Posted 04 January 2011 - 08:39 AM

I have had the same experience - granted I'm a girl and I like guys.
I told him and he ignored me - That usually means that the person is intimidated or is clearly not interested in you.

--Which now I know because I had a friend who always wanted to talk to me and be around me and I think he liked me but it felt like taboo lol and well I never asked him but thats a different story.--

Anyways it was only when he left to another country is when he started talking to me once again and by then I was already used to the fact that he ignored me.

What I'm trying to say is given this person some time and space. Maybe he is unsure of his feelings towards you and maybe he's contemplating on whether or not he wants to be boyfriends or what he says is true and he just doesn't like men?

I wouldn't push it too much but do keep in touch some how.
I hope everything works out great for you

#12 Uni


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Posted 04 January 2011 - 01:58 PM

Please don't bump old threads.

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