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Having a Bad Day

Auntie blues

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#1 Roly Poly

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Posted 31 December 2012 - 11:27 AM

My little nephew who is 6 or 7 is here with us for a week because he was doing the usual naughty business with his mom, getting mad, winy, and talking back. I told him not to go anywhere with my parents (his grandparents, of course) and not to call my sister all this week because she didn't want him bothering her. Well, he went with them somewhere today and I found out that he called my sister once to ask for toys. I yelled and pointed at him and told him to vacuum the house. Then my mom just started spazzing and then crying out of nowhere, overreacting to the whole situation. "Why are you doing this to him!? He doesn't even have a dad! Why do you believe everything his mother tells you!? Why didn't you ask me first!?" Um, Mom, because it's the truth and this has nothing to do with you. She thought I thought he asked my mom for toys at the store. I kept telling her it wasn't her, but she kept going and going and going...then she started crying and saying that even though I'm this grown, she can't get me to do anything. Then my dad started vacuming for my nephew and said the same thing. I ended up vacuming instead. Plus...she was right about not being able to get me to do chores around the house and I suddenly felt a hit of realization. Was I wrong...? Did I "punish" him too hard? I don't think that I did and I feel that my mom overreacted, but...I can't help but know that she is right about me, but that both of my parents ruined my "discipline" for him. This sucks. How am I supposed to be an aunt if they're not going to let me do my job? The only person who he will listen to is me or my brother, but my brother doesn't care anymore because my nephew doesn't listen. I know he's just a kid, but I was just disciplining him and I feel that they ruined it. Am I wrong? I'm having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day...or at least a very bad moment.

#2 tikaluph



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Posted 31 December 2012 - 11:20 PM

how old is he? and based what i read, your nephew doesn't have a father. he's young but he doesn't have daddy figure.
i don't understand why your sister didn't want him to bother her, i guess, she has reasons for it.
if i was your young nephew, i would call my mother. no matter what.
maybe he didn't want to ask your mother to buy toys for him.

i don't want to blame you, but, i guess your mother was right. you should do cross check to your mother about "something".
maybe there's something hidden between your mother and your sister that you don't know.
it happens sometimes.

imo, stick to the rules is good, BUT, sometimes, if you "cross" the rules, it's fine. depend on the condition (:

#3 Roly Poly

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Posted 01 January 2013 - 10:32 AM

I already said how old he is, and I understand that he doesn't have a father figure, but I was just disciplining him for not doing what I said, just the way my brother did when he was still here (my brother was like his father figure, but he ran away somewhere, and NO - his being bad is not because of that. He was ALWAYS this way).

My sister didn't want him bothering her because this was "time out" for him. She didn't want him calling her claiming that he misses her or anything because when he's at home, he's bad to her.

Maybe you would, but that was his time out and I told him not to call her like she said or else and he STILL didn't listen to me. He only called her once and it was to ask for TOYS because he was BORED in TIME OUT.

I think you need to reread my post again, lol. I said that it had NOTHING to do with my mom. It only had to do with the fact that he called his mother when I told him not to and that he went to the store with my parents when I told him not to go anywhere as well. This was TIME OUT.

Since this HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH MY MOM, because SHE WASN'T INVOLVED IN ANYTHING, I only needed to ask my sister. She had it all wrong! SHE was the one who needed to check her facts, but like I said - she just went ON AND ON AND ON as if she "knew" what was going on. There was NOTHING hidden between my sister and my mom that I needed to know. In fact, after she called my sister and found out what happened, she didn't even say anything to me so I bet she felt pretty dumb. I was just trying to do my job...and they didn't let me. I feel like they made me lose face as an aunt....

I don't think that i did anything wrong and I don't think I crossed the line. This is a kid who is bad and was in time out and did not listen to what I told him not to do so I told him to vacum the house, which i think was not that big of a deal because we do not even have that many carpets and they did not even fill up the rooms. The people who crossed the line were my parents who acted like I just threw a bomb at this kid and I know that he is only a kid, but I would tell any kid to do this if they did not listen to me in time out; I was just giving him a consequence for doing stuff he was not supposed to, something I am supposed to do.

Edited by Roly Poly, 01 January 2013 - 10:38 AM.

#4 rahe


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Posted 01 January 2013 - 11:06 AM

I don't think you crossed the line.
Damn... You only did the kid vacuum the house. Only. Sorry for saying that but It's pretty dumb somebody cry about it.

#5 xxiicorina


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Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:35 PM

You were just giving him discipline, that's all, and every kid needs that in order to grow up and understand.
But it must be hard for him and his mother to live without a father, maybe that's why this whole thing started.

(but to be honest here judging from what you wrote, i don't think telling the kid to vacuum around the place is worth crying about... but that's just me)

#6 Roly Poly

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Posted 02 January 2013 - 06:44 AM

Yeah...I'm sure that not having one parent there is a huge loss to a family in some way. I wouldn't know...I've had the luck of both my parents being there my whole life. I think it may be especially hard when the father isn't there, since he is the stronger figure, meaning he sets off more intimidation through the stronger precense and deeper voice given by the male physique. My nephew only has his mom who is a woman. Even though she yells, he perceives her as "softer" just because she is a woman. But...maybe it also has to do with her own confidence or firmness issues. But sometimes I don't understand, because my sister is very scary when she yells. I would listen to her in a heartbeat, lol. I guess just because she's a woman and mom, my nephew feels he could just step through her with his misbehavior.

As for my mom's crying over the vacuming - You see, the thing is, she felt upset because she saw that I could yell at a kid and get him to do chores in a heartbeat. BUT...with me and my siblings...she couldn't ever really accomplish that. That's one of the things she was going off about. It's true, I realized...she could never get me to do what she wants at the time she wants me to do it...I should've done this since I was a kid, but after she got upset and said that and I saw my father vacuming for my nephew because he felt the same way as my mom, I vacumed and cleaned the house. I'm going to every week now, too. I didn't realize that it hurt her that much.

But I think another reason for her tears was because she misunderstood the situation and because she feels bad for him because he doesn't have a father. She saw me yell and point at his face so fiercely and heard the words "store", where they had just come from, and "toys", so she thought I was accusing him of asking my mom for toys at the store. She also heard I say that he called his mother, in which he secretly did behind my back, not knowing knowing that I had told him not to. So she thought I was accusing him for HER OWN phone call to his mother. I'm just like, "NO, MOM..." but she wouldn't listen to me. Like I said, she just kept going ON and ON and ON.

Next time this boy is cleaning the whole house, lol, and they are not stopping me because hopefully they realized when they called my sister and got the truth what I was trying to do: discipline this kid. It's not like I ask him to do this everyday out of hatred and my mom was talking to me as if I did. She was telling me stuff like, "Oh, he can see your heart." Oh, really, Mom? Am I hating him or disciplining him? He knows why I'm yelling at him and doing this to him and his "fatherly" uncle did the same thing. Maybe he and I are not the same, but that doesn't mean I'm doing it out of hate, out of a "black" heart. Plus, if he is wise enough that he can see people's hearts, why can't he see his own damn bad behavior and stop? She also said, "When he grows up, he's going to be upset at us/you." So WHAT Mom, and for WHAT? For me disciplining him for his bad behavior that he KNOWS he does? If so, then I don't give a f*** because that is just DUMB. Go ahead and hate me. I don't need someone in my life who is gonna hate me for doing the right thing. BLEGH...this was just a stupid overboard event.

Thanks for reading, guys. :wub:

Edited by Roly Poly, 02 January 2013 - 06:52 AM.

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