83 replies to this topic

[nekokage]

I know asian parents all hit their children; it's part of their culture, but I don't know if it's right for my dad to continue hitting me when I'm already 17. He tends to lose control sometimes and screams over little things. It only happens sometimes; he's very loving most of the time, but it almost gets scary to be with him at times.

It makes me compare my life with other people my age and how they would be able to stand it if they were in my shoes.


One question:
Does your parents make you work in their store? I have to work at my dad's store (without pay) monday through saturday. I have to wake up everyday at 6:00 even though it's summer break and get home around 8. It would make me feel better if someone else was going through this kind of thing.

[minjoo]

I think he's training you to be a responsible person.

Think about why he hits you, first.

[(￣ー￣)]

Eh, I personally don't think hitting is the best way.

But... does your dad hit you first thing, no warnings or anything? If he says something and finds that it is not going as planned or as he asked... I can see some justification in his actions.

Sometimes words don't work.

edits: also, while you are living with your parents, under their support and all, and are under 18, you are required to listen to their rules. Some people are lucky and can negotiate with their parents in a mature manner, some not so lucky. This is how it is for most places, so maybe not for you~

Edited by Jeffu, 15 July 2006 - 09:23 PM.

[nekokage]

Like for example, my sister and I asked him for separate rooms. We told him we fought more that way because we were always stuck together. I used him and my mom as an example, saying when they used to work together (we have two different shops) they always argued. He first joked around saying that he was going to beat us up for using them as an example, but as I continued to complain saying that we were the only ones who STILL shared rooms, his threats weren't jokes anymore. He got a broom stick and started beating me and my sister. I had bruises all over my butt and I couldn't sitt for days... that's how hard he hit.

The next day, he started talking about how his bad relationship with his older brother and how he wanted me to be closer to my sister. He said he knew we were the only ones still sharing rooms but said there was a reason to why we were sharing rooms.


This is just an example... and it happened about an year ago. It bothers me for the fact that he didn't exactly explain why we were getting beaten at that moment. He just had to wait till the next day. And his explanations don't really tell me a reason why he should have beaten us up. There were many other times he just lost control suddenly.

[minjoo]

Well, I think your dad's got a sad past.
In which why he is acting like this.
I seriously get mad too when someone brings up a topic about my dad.

I'm speechless right now.

[hinachan]

I know asian parents all hit their children; it's part of their culture

It was once part of white Americans' "culture" to keep black people as slaves, but that was wrong, too. Just because something is part of a culture doesn't make it right.

but I don't know if it's right for my dad to continue hitting me when I'm already 17. He tends to lose control sometimes and screams over little things. It only happens sometimes; he's very loving most of the time, but it almost gets scary to be with him at times.

It'd be one thing if, say, you were getting involved with a gang and he was trying to scare you straight. But if it's just a matter of "little things", then he has no business hitting you. When he's losing control and scaring you, that's a sign that he's got some anger issues he needs to work on, instead of taking them out on you. You're under 18, and being hit by someone who's just losing control of him/herself is child abuse. The punishment is too excessive for the crime; that, combined with the anger and loss of control is what makes this abusive. (And yes, abusive parents can indeed be loving...they just don't know how to control their own anger.)

Does your parents make you work in their store? I have to work at my dad's store (without pay) monday through saturday.

Wow, great way to avoid paying an employee minimum wage. Just make your kids do slave labor. You *are* talking about 6am to 8pm, right? If so, that's a 14-hour workday, which definitely violates child labor laws if you're in the USA (since you're under 18). It's one thing if you volunteer to help out at the store for a reasonable amount of time (4 hours part-time or 8 hours full-time), but that's just ridiculous.

You have my sympathies....

[omegach]

Unfortunately, I don't think there's much you can do about it, unless you want your dad in trouble w/ the law. You can try sticking up for yourself, or talking to him about it, I guess.

Maybe talking to your mom, and getting her on your side could help.

[Uni]

Question: Are you guys Cambodian? Vietnamese, etc?

And another thing I learned, you're 17 and you should stand up for yourself. If he starts getting things to hit you, block him anyway you can. You're too old to get beaten still by a parent.

There is something you can do about it. If my parents can stop touching me, so can you.

[hinachan]

Like for example, my sister and I asked him for separate rooms. We told him we fought more that way because we were always stuck together. I used him and my mom as an example, saying when they used to work together (we have two different shops) they always argued. He first joked around saying that he was going to beat us up for using them as an example, but as I continued to complain saying that we were the only ones who STILL shared rooms, his threats weren't jokes anymore. He got a broom stick and started beating me and my sister. I had bruises all over my butt and I couldn't sitt for days... that's how hard he hit.

OK...this is DEFINITELY child abuse. You don't beat kids with a broom stick any time, EVER. No matter what lame excuse he gives you.

Again, I don't know what country you're in, but if you're in North America or Europe, call the police if this ever happens again. They'll see to it that he has to take anger-management classes. (And if he gets mad that you called the police, and starts to hit you again, call the cops AGAIN...he'll get the idea after a while.)

Stuff like this truly makes me sick....

[omegach]

I think he's training you to be a responsible person.

Think about why he hits you, first.

I have a friend... his dad actually knocked him unconscious for 15 minutes once. Didn't help him be a more repsonsible kid, at all.

[nekokage]

We're Korean. And in the beginning, I thought all Korean parents were like this. I didn't know until I talked to some kids at my church about how their parents deal with them when they are in trouble.

I don't think I have the courage to stand up to him; and yeah, I don't want him to get in trouble with the law.


It's really scary how my sister is taking the whole thing. Whenever she gets in trouble, she starts crying and then laughing like crazy.... she's really scaring me. (and yeah, it's ever since my dad beat us up b/c of the whole room thing.)

[Uni]

Okay, so one, very important, don't be afraid. I'm serious, you have to pull yourself together and stand up to him. It'll take multiple times probably, but keep your foot down and stand up to him. If you don't, he'll beating you until you can get out of his hair and who knows how long that'll be. There are people who still live with their parents probably and they're like 30 years old or whatever.

Who cares if he gets in trouble with the law. I mean seriously, hitting you is not getting you to be more responsible. Beating your child is not a way to make them more responsible in ANY WAYS. It's ridiculous to think that.

Think about in this way also, you either stand up to him or your sister might be screwed up for life psychologically. Kids who get beaten and don't do anything about it are most likely to beat their own kids. If your sister is scaring you because she starts laughing like crazy, then you need to do something to relieve that.

No one deserves to be beaten by a parent. No one. Think about yourself and your sister and maybe even your mom because who knows, maybe your dad beats her up and you don't know about it.

[3verlasting]

Wow, I am Korean myself, and I've never heard of such crude abuse. There a few points I can relate to, though.

However, a part of me can understand your dad's behavior. It can get quite stressful for immigrants trying to provide for their families in a foreign country, but that still does not give him the right to beat you and your sister in such ways. Have you talked to your mom about it?

[nekokage]

I have never told anyone about this and it's my first time being open about this.... I do care if he gets in trouble with the law. This is the reason why I didn't tell anyone about it.

I just don't know what to do.
As I said before, he's very loving other times. These kinds of thing happens when he's in a bad mood. I don't blame him for always being mad because I understand how stressful it can be from working all the time.


When I do stand up to him...omg it's scary enough when he screams. I'll start shaking even when he raise his voice.

I'll have to deal with this somehow, but I'm really worried for my sister.

Wow, I am Korean myself, and I've never heard of such crude abuse. There a few points I can relate to, though.

However, a part of me can understand your dad's behavior. It can get quite stressful for immigrants trying to provide for their families in a foreign country, but that still does not give him the right to beat you and your sister in such ways. Have you talked to your mom about it?

Yeah, my mom tries to stop him. But he calls this "educating us."
When my parents used to fight, my dad used to hit my mom too. It's brave enough for my mom to even go against him. Thank God my parents don't fight anymore.

[3verlasting]

I'm glad you are opening up to us about it. This is quite a serious issue.

And I see some people telling nekokage to report this abuse to the police, but is that really as easy as it sounds? Before he is this abusive man, he is a loving father to her. How can you tell her to report her loving father to the police so easily?