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nokkie

Member Since 09 Feb 2006
Offline Last Active Jun 21 2011 02:12 AM

#2076597 Best friends

Posted by nokkie on 18 November 2009 - 03:05 AM

Okay here goes, well yeah i'm a girl, 15, and yeah..i've had a crush on one of my best friends for over a year, and a couple of months ago..i confessed.
I have no idea what he thought at that time but he just laughed, but not in that "AHAHAHA YOU LIKE ME" mean way but yeah in a surprised way.
He never really gave me an answer..and sometimes i think you know its a good thing, do i really wanna know what he thinks? but its becoming really fustrating.
It was awkward at first but yeah we began talking again and i guess it kind of went back to normal..
But now.. we don't even talk anymore.
This is a really long story so i'll try and explain it in the most simple way i can.
There are 2 other girls involved, lets call them 'Lucy' and 'Tina'.
Well, he once liked Lucy and he even asked her out but he broke up with her a week later.
He then liked Tina, whom apparently kind of led him on but turned out she didn't like him.
He went emo for a while.
I confessed.
Some stuff happened at my birthday, involving him and Lucy (..) which led to him saying that i was someone he cherished and someone he would never want to hurt or make cry..
Things began to go downward from then on and yeah we don't talk anymore.
Just last week Lucy told me that his friend told her that he likes her but "doesn't want to go out with her" and apparently he admitted it..
I don't know how i smiled and tried to sound excited for her but wow it hit me like a brick wall.
It didn't hurt me as much to know that he liked her but that he didn't tell me and in a way i feel betrayed.
It would've hurt less to have heard it from him..
I just lost all hope after that and seeing how close he is to Tina, i guess i got replaced.
Sometimes i think he's not talking to me because he doesn't want to lead me on.. or he just doesn't know what to say but deep down i know that's just an excuse :D
My friends are telling me that i should talk to him, be the person that fixes this gap but i just..can't
I know i'm being stubborn but if we start talking again whatever happens between him and Lucy is going to hurt me twice as much.
I just can't handle it anymore and i'm tired of being the one that does the chasing..
They keep giving me hope that maybe he "likes me" but obviously he doesn't
:P I miss those late night talks, his enthusiasm when i went online, the way he looked at me...
We used to refer to each other as 'bestest bestest friends' and it felt like there were no secrets between us.
I used to tell him everything, vice versa.
I guess all good things come to an end.

If you guys have any questions, feel free to ask.
I would also appreciate any advice but i doubt there's anything i can do to make things better.. i would still like to hear what you guys have to say.
Any personal experiences would be awesome too, would love to hear your stories.
Oh and haha thanks for reading, how draining (;