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kadykutthroat

Member Since 11 Jul 2007
Offline Last Active Nov 15 2016 01:03 PM

Topics I've Started

let me hear you sing!!!

22 July 2010 - 01:51 PM

haha so i wanna hear you guys sing!
i don't care if you are bad, just sing me a little diddy!! :lol:

here's mine!! woo!!

telling other people's business

29 June 2010 - 10:33 AM

i recently had a problem with my cousin telling my friend some of my personal business that i wasn't ready for him to know.
i told her i was upset with her because she had no right to tell him and i would have on my own time.
she seems to think she had every right since he would have found out sooner or later.
just wondering if you guys think it is okay to tell someone somebody elses personal business.
i think NO

eating disorders

16 July 2009 - 08:58 PM

i've been struggling with anorexia and bulimia since the summer going into sophmore year.
i am now a senior, so i suppose that makes two years.
i've always been self-conscious about my body, and my father telling me i had big hips constantly never helped the situation. i know what has helped trigger this disease, and evern though i have found ways to cope with what has happened to me when i was younger, i still feel like weight is the only thing i can control in life.. my one constant variable. i can change it whenever i want. with a simple flick of the wrist.
entering high school, i began to feel very body conscious. i was always the bigger girl in class. the bigger girl of my friends. it made me feel unattractive, unwanted, and like a social outcast.
i started working out excessively during the last month of school. i watched what i ate closely and ran 5 miles every other day. to help keep track of what i ate and how many calories it as, i had a journal dedicated to my food and beverage intake. i'd carefully calculate each calorie, each carbohydrate, and tally it up at the end of the day.
soon, it got the point of not eating in general. if i did, i made sure it was the smallest of bites. i'd chug water in between bites to help my stomach feel full.
but sometimes the hunger pangs i would feel would be so great i would HAVE to eat. i'd cave in and over indulge in chips, brownies, pops, candies---whatever i laid my eyes on i'd eat.
after my binges, i'd feel so guilty and disgusted in myself that i'd just have to get rid of it.
sometimes i'd force myself to throw up, othertimes i'd use laxatives and dieuretics.

then i found proana/promia sites and rapidly began signing up and posting on forums about eating disorders. we'd trade secrets of how we purged and how we hid food in our rooms.. in boxes and jars under our beds or in our closets.

last summer i got really sick. my stomach started getting really bad cramps.
i was constantly bloated. i never drank anything or ate anything. i laid on the couch all day and nite.. literally not able to move. my mom took me to the doctor and they took lots of blood and did tons of tests on me. even after getting the result od extreme dehydration and malnourishment, i still continued to abuse my body.


before this all started i was a healthy 5'7" 130 pound girl.
now i'm a 5'7" and 101 pound girl

4/20.. remember columbine

20 April 2009 - 01:51 PM

such a sad day for those who were affected by the colombine shootings
may god be with those 12 people who lost their lives and their loved ones today... 10 years later

rest in peace

I've always battled depression

08 November 2008 - 10:40 AM

i've been battling depression since i was about 10 years old- so almost 7 years.
but lately, it seems like everything has been on a downward spiral.

my parents are getting a divorce and my dad is kicking my mom and i out of OUR house.
with all this stress and bickering in my house, i've not been focused on school at all and my grades and future are going down the drain.

just yesterday i found out my best friend/cousin, the one person i tell everything to, is moving back to indiana.


my friends always ask if i'm alright, and i just fake a smile and say yeah because i know none of them would TRULY understand.


i wish i had someone i could talk to who would listen and understand me.
someone who's been through the same struggles that are plaguing me right now.

all the added stress is taking a toll on my mind and body.



i honestly don't know what to do anymore.