6 replies to this topic

[briannafifield]

This post is not meant to sound whiny, it's just something that is really bothering me, and I want to see if it's just me or a legitimate reason to be sad/depressed.

Ok, so... I am really upset because my baby seems to love my stepdad way more than she does me. When she was born, I went through hell, and was basically in and out of emergency rooms for a month, not even being able to sit up, let alone take care of the baby. So, my mom and stepdad took me home with them to help me and the baby, which I am eternally grateful for. <3

I know I didn't have a lot of time to bond with her, being so extremely sick, but I have been trying my hardest and spending a lot of time with her, since I was forced to resign from my job due to my sickness. And all the time, whenever she sees my stepdad, she cries for him and throws a fit when she can't be with him, but never does it with me. I feel that all she wants me for is for breastfeeding. And I thought that breastfeeding encouraged bonding, and I try so hard to bond with her, but it seems like no matter how hard I try, she seems to like him more.

My mom, stepdad, and everyone else thinks I'm being oversensitive (which I might be, I'm not sure, which is why I'm asking), but it really hurts my feelings when I'm holding my baby and she wants to b e with my stepdad over me. I went through so much for her, and it just seems like it's in vein now.

I also know part of the reason is that because she loves to go outside, but because of how sick I was, I cannot be as active as she wants me to be. I go to physical therapy and everything, and I try really hard to keep up with her, but it proves to be too much sometimes, which is why I still live with my mom and stepdad for much needed help.

I just want to know, am I being overly sensitive about it? It just really breaks my heart and makes me want to cry whenever she wants my stepdad over me, and seems happier with him. I don't know, I really don't have many friends, and I just wanted to vent and get some advice and opinions.

*Oh, and sorry about my California - Valley Girl accent lol! I know it's hard to understand sometimes and can be lazy and annoying xD *

Edited by briannarushing, 20 May 2010 - 03:04 PM.

[Flowsion]

This is a super late response but in case you're still feeling bad about this, I thought I would respond! Just because your baby wants to be with another person, doesn't mean she loves you any less, ya. Lots of babies and even kids like to be around energetic and playful people, and it's going to be hard for you to do that if you're sick. That doesn't mean that your baby will not be able to bond with you or recognize you as her mother and love you less.

You are being sensitive about it, but it's not your fault, it is a sensitive issue and I'm sure you feel bad about feeling this way. She could be happy to see your step-father because he's playful but still love you and be happy to see you because she knows you are her mother.

Don't think into it too much! I'm sure once you feel better and can be active once again, you'll be able to play with your child more and she won't want to leave your side. For now, it's good that you have someone like your step-father to be the active one and take care of her for you.

[briannafifield]

I don't mind that your response is late, Flow. It really made me feel better!    

I think you are right. She probably does like being with my stepfather because he always takes her outside and spoils her, but I can't really be as active as she wants. I think I'm more comforting to her though, and I, of course, have to be the parent and give her rules and boundaries, as with him, he is a grandparent, which is the total opposite.

But lately, I have been taking her more places, like getting her out of the house more, just me and her, and she seems more bonded with me. The main reason she was more bonded with him was because after I gave birth, I was so sick I was in and out of emergency rooms for a couple of weeks, and I really didn't get the chance to bond with her. She stayed with him and my mom when I was ill.

I know I shouldn't be so sensitive about it, I just can't help it. I'm a sensitive person. It just breaks my heart when she wants him over me sometimes. But I guess she just needs a break sometimes.

Thanks for the response Flow! I guess I just needed another perspective on things.

[ange_argente]

How old is your baby? Kids don't know better and it's always easiest to latch onto the person who spoils you the most.

In your case, you were sick and you weren't there for your baby as much as you wanted. That's okay. You have tons of time to develop a really great relationship with your child. Your stepdad and your mom will always have a special place in your child's heart because they're the grandparents and their job is to spoil their grandchild. Yours is to be a mom and raise your baby into a responsible, wonderful human being. Because of that, your child will bond with you in a completely different and unique way, that's different from the way he/she is bonding with your parents. It's not something to compare or compete for. You're your child's mom; there's a special bond there and it'll only become stronger as your child grows up.

For now, just focus on getting better and bringing yourself up to 100%. When you're 100%, you'll be able to give your baby 100% and that's when you'll be able to start building a better relationship for the both of you.

[briannafifield]

She is nine months now But the size of an 18 month old, no joke o.O;

I think you're completely right. I don't know why I feel that way. I know I shouldn't, but it's like I can't help it. I guess she just does like my stepdad in a fun way because he always spoils her. I just get sad because I feel like I get the blunt end of things, but that's my job as a mom. I don't want her to grow up spoiled and bratty >

Thanks for your advice, I just wanted to see if I was justified or not. Yesterday, she was extremely cranky all day, and I finally broke down because nothing helped, and I think she felt so bad because she stopped crying and wiggling completely and laid quietly on my chest. I felt bad because I lost my patience a little...

Anyhoo, I think I will have to be more active with her, and maybe she will bond with me a little more if I do more things with her. Thanks so much! <3

[ange_argente]

You've got every right to feel the way that you do. You're a new mom; of course you want to be your baby's favorite person. There's nothing wrong with that. But don't let it get you down for too long because you'll miss out on how wonderful your baby is. And you'll be cheating yourself of your own experience with your child.

Give it time; it'll come. You're Mommy and your child will grow to know and love that.

And don't worry about losing your temper. It happens, as long as its not all the time. We're all human. Just remember to go back and shower your child with love. That's what it's about, right?

[briannafifield]

Exactly! No, I don't lose my temper all the time. I am normally very patient and I felt really bad when I finally just broke into tears. But being a mom can be so overwhelming, but it is so wonderful and enriching!  

Yeah, that's how I kinda feel. I want her to be my favorite person because, well... I'm her mommy! lol. I know I can't be too down about it all the time. That would be really unfair for both of us.

Thank you for your words of advice, all of you I feel better talking to people about things and gathering everyone's perspective. I'm glad that other people understand